A friend agonizes as he continues to wonder why his girlfriend chose Facebook over him01 july 2013, 15:47
It hadn’t been easy for Danny to get over Aigul, the girlfriend he lost because she refused to remove sexy bikini photos of herself on Facebook that generated lewd comments from her male “friends.”
He was looking better than I’d seen him in some time, though. At the height of his ordeal with Aigul – a stunning beauty -- he hadn’t eaten much, and looked gaunt. Though he had regained some weight, he was still not the upbeat Danny I’d always known.
“How you doing?” I asked.
“I’m OK,” he said. “I’m getting over Aigul, but it hasn’t been easy. She was the love of my life.”
“Are her bikini photos still on Facebook?” I asked.
“She’s never removed them,” he replied. “It’s interesting, though, that she’s hidden them inside Facebook photo albums rather than leaving them in the main Photos section where they used to be.”
“You think she’s ashamed?” I asked.
Danny shrugged. “You can never tell what Aigul is thinking,” he said. “I’ve told you I’m sure she has a mental condition known as borderline personality disorder.”
“Yes,” I said. “I believe the different kind of thinking that people with this condition exhibit figured in to her refusal to remove the photos. She didn’t think she’d done anything wrong.”
“You’re probably right,” he said. “She was never able to give me a good reason for choosing the sexy photos over me. The reasons she did give me made no sense.”
“What were those reasons?” I asked.
“The first was that the bikini photos were shot in a public place – a beach area – so there couldn’t be anything wrong with them. I told her that it didn’t matter where they were shot. When they generated leering comments from male Facebook ‘friends’ that hurt me, she needed to take them down.”
Another excuse Aigul gave Danny for not wanting to pull the photos was that they were taken before she met him.
“That made no sense either,” he said. “It didn’t matter when they were taken. Once we became a couple, if the dirty comments about the photos caused me pain, she needed to pull them -- if she loved me.”
Grasping for any justification, Aigul also told Danny that their relationship hadn’t reached the point where it was serious -- so he had no right to tell her what to do with Facebook.
“I almost fell off my chair when she told me we weren’t in a serious relationship,” he said. “We had told each other we loved each other, and had discussed marriage and children. Our relationship couldn’t have been more serious.”
Not only did Aigul’s excuses make no sense, but her refusal to pull the photos damaged her career possibilities.
That’s because Danny, who owns his own media company, has great connections in Kazakhstan in the careers Aigul is interested in – modeling, acting and journalism.
“I know the editors of several fashion magazines,” Danny said. “I was actually talking with one of them about using Aigul in a photo shoot when our romance blew up.”
Aigul’s Facebook photos are sexy but the work of an amateur. “In just one shoot for the magazine I was negotiating with, she would have gotten hundreds of professional photos that she could have used to start a legitimate modeling career,” he said.
“As for acting, I know several top directors, producers and actors,” Danny continued. “And in journalism, I know people running newspapers, magazines, wire services, Internet news portals and television channels.”
Given that connections can mean everything in Kazakhstan, Aigul’s decision not to remove the sexy Facekbook photos closed many doors for her.
“I wouldn’t block a career possibility for her to take revenge,” Danny said. “But neither will I help her, which I would have done if we’d stayed together. How do you think I’d feel to see the girl who dumped me gaining notoriety all over Kazakhstan from a photo shoot I’d arranged for her in the pages of – for example -- Vogue Kazakhstan?”
Trying to steer the conversation in a more positive direction, I asked Danny if he’d found another girlfriend yet.
“I’ve met a tall, beautiful Kazakh lady who models but doesn’t have the hang-ups that can go with the profession, like a huge ego,” he said. “I’ve also checked on whether she’s got a Facebook fetish – and she doesn’t. I’m hoping for the best.”
He then looked down at his coffee cup for a moment, deep in thought.
“You’re still in love with Aigul, though, aren’t you?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “I told you she was the love of my life. It’s been very difficult to forget her.”
All of Danny’s friends have told him to forget Aigul because her refusal to remove the sexy photos could mean only one thing – that she didn’t love him enough.
“And yet,” Danny said, “I keep wondering if I could have handled the situation better, if there were something I could have done differently to save our relationship.”
I told him, as many of his friends had, not to beat himself up over “what if’s.”
It wasn’t his problem, I said. It was hers. He was the victim in this.
He looked down at his coffee cup again with a frown.
My words had no impact. He was still in agony.
Only more time would heal him.